Tuesday, 31 May 2005
Tuesday, 31 May, 2005
Friday was my last day of school. And I spent the entire day with "It's the end of the world as we know it" on repeat in my brain. Also, my den-mother heart was watching all the young junior highers going, "they can't handle senior high. My brother will be KILLED at a public school. I don't know why I'm so crazy. Is anyone actually deluded enough to think I'm going to make it thru one? I know everyone who knows I'm not coming back thinks I'm going to get pregnant, hooked on pot, and commit suicide all in the first month of public school. And then I think about all my youngling friends from Stevens Point Christian Academy and how I will never be able to handle the social levels of senior-hood because I have spent the last 17 years of my life watching out for those who are younger than me, and living at their level of 'break your coccyx and eat, you fat lard.'
Friday, 13 May 2005
Friday, 13 May 2005
The Importance of a Support Network
Support group sounds like those things like AA or something, right? I have recently taken an inventory of who I trust, who I don't, and who I tolerate. I realize that there are a dwindling few in the first category, an increasing majority in the second, and about equilibrium in the last. There were not many to begin with in the first category, but somehow it seems that I am unable to find anyone who understands the simplicity of just listening to someone when they need to talk, giving them a hug or some advice or none, and not judging them. Understand what another person is going through, help them through it, and go on.
I hate boxes. I hate being unable to expand my box. It has nothing to do with thinking outside one, and everything to do with living outside one. Or at the very least, inside a bigger one. To have someone ask me if I know any people who aren't saved and want me to bring them to church is very embarrassing. First, any people who I know who 'aren't saved' are probably attending the church I go to. Second, I know very few people who don't attend said church, and find that fact disconcerting. I'm all for being involved in a home-church, but when said home-church starts creeping in and taking over ever miniscule part of your life...I draw lines. And for my trouble, I get labeled as a luke-warm Christian. Cuz, we all know, how involved you are in the church determines your level of Christianity. Just ask the kids who just got expelled for doing drugs.
Support group sounds like those things like AA or something, right? I have recently taken an inventory of who I trust, who I don't, and who I tolerate. I realize that there are a dwindling few in the first category, an increasing majority in the second, and about equilibrium in the last. There were not many to begin with in the first category, but somehow it seems that I am unable to find anyone who understands the simplicity of just listening to someone when they need to talk, giving them a hug or some advice or none, and not judging them. Understand what another person is going through, help them through it, and go on.
I hate boxes. I hate being unable to expand my box. It has nothing to do with thinking outside one, and everything to do with living outside one. Or at the very least, inside a bigger one. To have someone ask me if I know any people who aren't saved and want me to bring them to church is very embarrassing. First, any people who I know who 'aren't saved' are probably attending the church I go to. Second, I know very few people who don't attend said church, and find that fact disconcerting. I'm all for being involved in a home-church, but when said home-church starts creeping in and taking over ever miniscule part of your life...I draw lines. And for my trouble, I get labeled as a luke-warm Christian. Cuz, we all know, how involved you are in the church determines your level of Christianity. Just ask the kids who just got expelled for doing drugs.
Tuesday, 10 May 2005
Tuesday, 10 May 2005
Today my band teacher had a cow at me because I couldn't make it to a band demo. Anyway, it wouldn't have been so bad, except that she goes to my church, which means she's completely brain-washed into believing in the ultimate-God-given authority and was angry with me because of my attitude. I don't think I had an attitude toward her, merely toward the stress which seeps into my life because of an over-crowded schedule.
More on the authority thing: it is something out of the Middle Ages...seriously. All authority is given by God, therefore we must treat every authority and every command an authority figure gives as if they are God or from God, respectively. Talk about ego. Of course, this is all coming from the latest in spiritual literature, Under Cover, written by an sexist, egotistical maniac who I could not be paid enough to listen to. If it were up to him, we would still all be Anglican Catholics...in other words, under the control of the crown of not only Britian, but also the Pope. He doesn't say it in so many words, but take it to its logical conclusion and the American War for Independence was sin...or in his words, lawlessness, rebellion, and unsubmission. Now, as a teen, I consider myself pretty respectful--I can take pretty much whatever an adult dishes out with minor 'attitude'. However, an authority figure is NOT God, nor will I treat them as such. Respect that is felt must be earned. Respect that is demanded creates rebellion. I'm all for treating people as human beings and respecting their offices...however, if my pastor starts telling me what I need to do with my life, I'm drawing lines in the sand.
I've said this before; I'm clarifying it. I hate established religion
More on the authority thing: it is something out of the Middle Ages...seriously. All authority is given by God, therefore we must treat every authority and every command an authority figure gives as if they are God or from God, respectively. Talk about ego. Of course, this is all coming from the latest in spiritual literature, Under Cover, written by an sexist, egotistical maniac who I could not be paid enough to listen to. If it were up to him, we would still all be Anglican Catholics...in other words, under the control of the crown of not only Britian, but also the Pope. He doesn't say it in so many words, but take it to its logical conclusion and the American War for Independence was sin...or in his words, lawlessness, rebellion, and unsubmission. Now, as a teen, I consider myself pretty respectful--I can take pretty much whatever an adult dishes out with minor 'attitude'. However, an authority figure is NOT God, nor will I treat them as such. Respect that is felt must be earned. Respect that is demanded creates rebellion. I'm all for treating people as human beings and respecting their offices...however, if my pastor starts telling me what I need to do with my life, I'm drawing lines in the sand.
I've said this before; I'm clarifying it. I hate established religion
Thursday, 5 May 2005
Thursday, 05 May 2005
I am finally here and have nothing interesting to say...
Except perhaps something I discovered today. I actually like living. Now, mind you, that doesn't mean I like life, or any other such crazy nonsense, but being alive...well, it's ok. Realizing that I am a whole person, even with anything and everything else that's going on, is just amazing. I suppose it has to do with appreciating silly things, pleasant things, and just plain crazy things that other people do, that happen, or that I make happen. Lately, I've been rather depressed, but realizing that I can overcome and like it has been blowing my mind lately. Sure, life is not just smelling roses, but it doens't have to be smelling dung all the time either...even when it is. I don't think there's anything I can't handle--for today. Maybe tomorrow, there'll be something that I can't take, but then, tomorrow never comes, so maybe I'm safe. I'm rambling. I'm not really sure what the point of all this was, except maybe as a nice outlet. I certainly feel better, anyway. Not high-I'm-just-having-a-blast, but content and complacent enough to be happy with things...even the things that are as tho they shouldn't be.
Except perhaps something I discovered today. I actually like living. Now, mind you, that doesn't mean I like life, or any other such crazy nonsense, but being alive...well, it's ok. Realizing that I am a whole person, even with anything and everything else that's going on, is just amazing. I suppose it has to do with appreciating silly things, pleasant things, and just plain crazy things that other people do, that happen, or that I make happen. Lately, I've been rather depressed, but realizing that I can overcome and like it has been blowing my mind lately. Sure, life is not just smelling roses, but it doens't have to be smelling dung all the time either...even when it is. I don't think there's anything I can't handle--for today. Maybe tomorrow, there'll be something that I can't take, but then, tomorrow never comes, so maybe I'm safe. I'm rambling. I'm not really sure what the point of all this was, except maybe as a nice outlet. I certainly feel better, anyway. Not high-I'm-just-having-a-blast, but content and complacent enough to be happy with things...even the things that are as tho they shouldn't be.
Sunday, 1 May 2005
2005 Events
February 2005
My dad moves out
April 2005
At a pro-life convention, I re-connect with Joel and Joy Pavelski, who I had met in middle school, and discover their blogs
This event eventually leads me to meet, among others, Jayni Reed (nee Juedes), Hannah Demers (nee White) Karee Furey, Jarret Mock, Sarah Wykuis, and Sara Greely
May 2005:
I finish my junior year of high school at Stevens Point Christian Academy and begin a blog of my own
Summer 2005:
Joel tells me he is gay.
I attend pro-life camps with Wisconsin Teens for Life
I spend 2 weeks in Atlanta at a leadership conference with Wellington Boone
I visit California with my aunt and cousin while he looks at colleges
I stop attending church.
August 2005:
I begin attending Stevens Point Area Senior High for my first year at a public school.
November 2005:
Jesse dies. He is 14 years old.
My dad moves out
April 2005
At a pro-life convention, I re-connect with Joel and Joy Pavelski, who I had met in middle school, and discover their blogs
This event eventually leads me to meet, among others, Jayni Reed (nee Juedes), Hannah Demers (nee White) Karee Furey, Jarret Mock, Sarah Wykuis, and Sara Greely
May 2005:
I finish my junior year of high school at Stevens Point Christian Academy and begin a blog of my own
Summer 2005:
Joel tells me he is gay.
I attend pro-life camps with Wisconsin Teens for Life
I spend 2 weeks in Atlanta at a leadership conference with Wellington Boone
I visit California with my aunt and cousin while he looks at colleges
I stop attending church.
August 2005:
I begin attending Stevens Point Area Senior High for my first year at a public school.
November 2005:
Jesse dies. He is 14 years old.
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